


Raise Your Weapon.

by Wearenotalright



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Dom/sub, Light Bondage, Loneliness, M/M, Rape Aftermath, School Shootings, Self-Hatred, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Content, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-12-12
Packaged: 2018-02-19 17:16:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2396384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wearenotalright/pseuds/Wearenotalright
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard Way is just a nobody. No one cares about the chubby black haired boy. People made fun of him for liking comic books and D&D. The Vice Principal is more liked than Gerard Way. He’s fed up and sick of this place he calls his school. He decides to take matters into his own hands.</p>
<p>Frank Iero isn’t popular, but he isn’t unpopular. Everyone knows him as the music guy who’s in a band and people think it’s cool that he plays guitar. He’s possibly the most laid back guy you’ll ever meet. Frank is a happy dude who enjoys the small things in life and is very blessed with everything he has. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Warnings of violence, school shootings, depression and suicide attempts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Watch Me Burn

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything in this fictional story. The characters are real people but I do not own or know them. This is all fictional and nothing is true. 
> 
> I don’t really write in third person. I don’t really like it. This will prob be like a 5 part story. I’m really bad at keeping up with stories. Which is why I stick with oneshots cuz I don’t gotta worry about them lol. Enjoy guys. Comment and such if you like it. The first chapter is gonna be kinda short but they’ll get a LOTTTT longer.

Gerard didn’t sleep last night. He was looking out his window all night until it was time for him to find something to wear to go to school in. He didn’t want to go to school but he never did. Why would you want to when you’re bullied all the time? But you’re bullied at home and bullied at school. It doesn’t matter where you are. You’re just going to be ignored or belittled, no matter what.

Gerard’s parents’ are normal people, almost too normal. His parents’ are doctors. His mom delivers babies and his dad works with the mentally ill. Gerard laughs at this, because they he doesn’t see what a basket case his own son is. Actually, he probably does, but he probably doesn’t care enough to try to help him out. He probably doesn’t see his son as someone who can be cured. He’s a lost cause. He’s only living in this house because he has no other choice to. If his parents’ had their way, Gerard Way would be erased from the family tree.

His parents’ are very ashamed of him. They don’t like brining him out to family functions, which the Way family seems to have a lot of, but Donna and Donald always “forget” to tell Gerard about them and Gerard so conveniently has to work that day. They always praise Michael, Gerard’s younger, much smarter brother. He’s the son they love, he’s the son who gets all the love that he deserves. In Donna and Donald’s eyes, Gerard doesn’t deserve love and affection. He’s weird, he isn’t smart. He’s stupid and doesn’t talk. He’s chubby and doesn’t care about himself. He’s just a lost cause.

Michael, also known as Mikey gets stupid high grades and he’s on the debate team and everyone likes him. He’s only in 10th grade but he takes all senior classes, let’s face it, Mikey Way is a damn genius and Gerard is the stupid asshole his parents’ are forced to keep under their roof until Gerard goes away to college. Mikey is the golden child, whenever Gerard actually goes and sees his family, his parents’ always bring up Mikey and they never once bring up Gerard. They don’t speak about him ever. They would rather talk about how Mikey is going to be going to NYU when he graduates and he’s going to become a doctor just like Donna and Donald.

Gerard is just the stupid fag artist.

Donna is the hardest on Gerard. She puts him down most of the time and always rides Gerard’s ass about getting good grades that he doesn’t get. Gerard is a fantastic artist, he can draw and paint pretty much anything and he always has been like that since he was a little boy. His parents’ frown upon art though. They don’t see it as a “real” job and a “real” career. She tells him all the time that he needs to get out of his room and make some real friends. That he needs to stop burying himself in comic books and Dungeons and Dragons and actually get out into the real world. She isn’t worried about her son, not in the least. She’s worried about her family’s name getting tarnished with the weird artist fag in her family. She can’t have that. She can’t have a fag artist in the family. The Way family are full off successful doctors and lawyers who have a totally clean nose. She can’t have _this_ in her family.

Gerard hasn’t been to a family function in over 3 years because Donna always finds a reason for him to not be able to go. Telling him that his grades slipped so he’s grounded, that she needs the house cleaned so he’s got to stay home and clean the house, they scheduled the function when he has work and he can’t take off work on such short notice. He hasn’t been to a family Christmas since he was 15 years old. Donna tells her son that she doesn’t want to waste her money on gifts that she doesn’t approve of, and seeing Gerard shows no interests into things that she enjoys, Gerard gets nothing and Mikey gets everything. She even told him once that he doesn’t make her proud so why should she spend money on a Christmas gift for someone who doesn’t make her proud. He usually just stays in his room on the holiday and reads his comic books. He pretends he can’t feel the tears silently roll down his face while he’s alone in his room on Christmas morning, while everyone in the entire world is having a great time with their families.

He hears his family laughing and having a good time and he’s forced to stay inside his room, away from the world. Shunned for being who he is. On Christmas he’s not allowed to leave the room. He has to stay in his room, his family comes over on Christmas. They can’t show off the freak of the family.

School is no better for the teenage boy. No one likes him there, too. People think that he’s weird, he wears a lot of black and he likes weird things like D&D and role playing games and comic books. He draws most of the time and tries his best to blend in with the walls inside the school. He’s thought about running away from the school a few times but he wants to graduate so he can go to college in New York and start a new life without his family. He’s working to get away from Jersey, the state that sucks the life out of him. The place where his heart died a long time ago.

 

* * *

 

 

Gerard moans as he realizes that his car needs gas before he heads off to school and groans in frustration. He just wanted to go to school, but his light is on and he won’t make it if he doesn’t go to local Hess gas station and get 20 bucks of gas. He’s thankful he hasn’t really spent much on his paycheck and he can get some gas. He usually only spends his money on his car, food and the bottles upon bottles of Jack Daniels he stores safely inside his closet where no one can find it.

He drives a silver Honda. It’s nothing special, but it gets him to school and his job at Walmart. The good thing about his job is that he doesn’t have to talk to many people, he works in the back fixing the bikes and he puts them on display. It’s not a hard job, it pays more than a cashier and he isn’t bothered by many people. Mostly just his boss and some other coworkers asking him random questions. It’s rare that happens though, no one usually talks to him. He’s left inside his own thoughts.

Gerard gets his gas and heads off to school, if he speeds he will get there on time but he almost doesn’t care if he gets to his stupid school on time. He doesn’t feel like risking his own life in order to get to his damn History class on time. It’s just not worth it, according to him. He might get in trouble for it, but at this point in time he doesn’t really care.

So he gets a pink slip for being late to class, he told them he had car trouble but they didn’t believe him. Honestly, no one ever believes Gerard and he’s pretty much used to it by now. He sighs and just goes to class with his slip to let him inside the classroom. He wants to go home already, even if home wasn’t any better, he’s ignored at school and he’s ignored at home. It’s been like that his whole life. Ever since he was young he knew he was different than most boys. When boys wanted to go and play games at recess he didn’t want to join, he wanted to stay inside and draw.

The day is normal for Gerard so far. He gets shit for failing his math quiz and everyone laughs at him. Someone threw something at him; it was a piece of paper. He looked at what it said.

_"Get out of this school, faggot! Kill yourself! We are better off without your kind!"_

He rolls his eyes and sighs into his note book. The usual names and insults he’s called daily. Sometimes he thinks he should just end it all, he knows he won’t be missed. Maybe the other students were right, that he’s a freak and he should just kill himself. There’s not one person in this entire world that likes him. His family shuns him, people at school hate him, and his boss ignores him whenever he needs help with something. The only person that actually loved him was his grandmother Elena and she passed away when he was just a kid, nearly 12 years old when she died in her sleep. Gerard misses her dearly. She was the one who got him into art and comic books. He wishes she was still here; she was such a lovely woman. Elena was a truly lovely woman; she taught Gerard that no matter what, no matter who tries to tell him otherwise, to be himself, even if it hurt. That’s why Gerard has never stopped being himself, and enjoying art. He could easily have stopped art and tried to get good grades and try to be a doctor and make his parents’ proud, but he doesn’t want to let Grandma Elena down. She means more to him even though she’s no longer with her. She truly understood Gerard and even though she’s dead he’s going to stay true to himself. He doesn’t understand how his mom turned out so cruel and mean with a mother so nice and amazing like Grandma Elena.

Life isn’t fair like that.

“Hey, dude, can I take this seat?” a voice said, causing Gerard to snap his head up from his sketch pad, eyes full of fear and wide with sadness as he looked at who was talking to him in his lunch period. No one ever talks to him. The other student seriously caused him to have a very small anxiety attack from another person talking to him without insults.

“No, you can take it.” Gerard said back to the boy. The boy, also known as Frank Iero, smiled at Gerard.

“Thanks, man!” he said in a very cheerful voice, “what are you drawing?” Frank asked looking over to Gerard’s art and Gerard is shocked. No one talks to him. Especially boys like cool and nice like Frank Iero.

Why isn’t he leaving Gerard alone? Why isn’t he making fun of Gerard for sitting alone at lunch? Doesn’t he know it’s bad to be seen talking to him?

“Uhm – just a comic strip.” Gerard mumbled back to the shorter boy who is now looking at the sketch pad of his work.

“This is cool!” Frank said back, “comics are cool. Hey, I gotta go, but I’ll see you around, yeah?”

Stammering, Gerard said, “I – I guess so.”

With that Frank gave Gerard a wide smile, leaving with the chair he requested for and going to hang ou with his friends.

Frank Iero is a cool guy, so why is he talking to a loser like Gerard Way?

Frank isn’t the most popular guy in school, but he’s not a loser like Gerard. He plays in a band called Pencey Prep and it’s pretty well known. Girls think he’s cute and guys think he’s a cool guy to hang with. He gets decent grades at school and has a really nice and supporting family. Frank’s band usually plays at the footballs games and he’s seen his family there supporting his band. It must be nice having all of that in your life, Gerard thinks. But he would never know that, his family hates him, they think he’s a freak and a faggot and they don’t like him and they don’t like who he is.

Frank gets along with everyone and anybody and he’s super sweet and nice. It always seems like the boy never has a bad day. Gerard is not a stalker or anything, but he’s noticed Frank a lot in his years at Belleville High and he’s always been really well liked. Frank has high self-esteem, but he doesn’t have too much where he’s overly cocky and a dickbag. He’s just a nice guy who thinks good of himself. He always has a lovely smile on his face. He envies Frank Iero. He envies how he likes himself mostly. He wishes he didn’t hate himself, but some people are born with luck and charm like Frank, and some are born to rot away, like Gerard.

He’s been depressed for some time now, for about 6 or 7 years he would say he’s been in a serious depression that no one seems to notice and he’s thankful for that. Truth be told, he doesn’t want to get better. He doesn’t want help. In a weird way, he really enjoys his self loath. He loves the painful feeling in his gut he gets when everyone ignores him. He likes it when his mom tells him he can’t come with him to the family BBQ because she’s embarrassed of him and he spends his day in his room crying as his family has a great time. It makes him feel alive. If he didn’t have the pain he wouldn’t feel anything at all. At least he’s feeling something, even if it’s just pain and nothing better than that. He’ll take it.

He doesn’t remember the last time he was truly happy. Sure, he’s happy when he’s drawing and he’s happy when he finishes a comic book that he’s wanted to read for the longest time. But he doesn’t remember when he had a smile on his face for no reason. People like Frank Iero smile for no reason. They smile for just being alive. That’s pretty cool, if you think about it.

There should be more people like Frank Iero in this world. He likes everyone and he doesn’t belittle anyone. He could have made fun of Gerard so badly for drawing a comic strip. He could have smacked the shit out of Gerard and no one would care, they would laugh at Gerard and high five Frank for making the weird kid run out of the lunch room. He would be a hero, everyone would roar Frank’s name and chant wild words. He would be known as the coolest motherfucker out there.

But he still didn’t do that – he told him that his art was cool. He liked Gerard’s work. He told Gerard he would see him around.

Gerard feels himself smiling for no reason now, but he knows it’ll go away soon and fast. Nothing good last long for him. He’s just waiting for something to go to shit for him.

It always ends up like that.

 

 

 

 


	2. The First Step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope people are enjoying this. soon it'll become pretty fucked up. 
> 
> Disclaimer: don't own, don't sue. This is all fictional work.

Frank had a decent night sleep, a nice 7 hour sleep. It wasn’t the best, but not the worst. He had no nightmares, which is always a good sign for the young adult. Growing up Frank had chronic nightmares and he they got so bad and felt so real to the little boy that he was beyond scared to sleep and sometimes he would wet the bed from the nightmares feeling so real, it scared the little boy. His parents didn’t know what to do for him and they felt so bad for their only son. It was _terrible_ for the small child, it was a true nightmare he couldn’t get out of. Frank would always have dreams that his family was being killed or something along those lines and they felt so real that he could almost feel the blood of his mom’s on his hands when he ran over to her dead, limp body and attempt to save her, but it was always too late. He never once had a good night sleep when he was a child. As he got older, the nightmares seemed to fade. Soon he was able to go to sleep on his own without his mom holding his band to make sure he was going to sleep throughout the night without waking up crying.

Frank has a small family, but it’s a tight family. Frank is an only child. After his mom gave birth to Frank the doctor said something happened with her ovaries, making her unable to have any more children. Frank grew up in a very Catholic household; he went to Catholic school up until he was in high school. His parents told him he can chose to spend the rest of his school years in a private Catholic school or attend a public school for the first time ever. Frank told him he wanted to go to a public school because the other students were very stuck up.

The only secret that he kept from his parents was the reason he truly wanted to leave the Catholic school was because he was getting bullied. He didn’t want them to know he was getting made fun of because he was so small. When he was 13 years old he looked like he was 11, he had a baby face and he was only 5’4”, which made things worse for him. People would call him shorty, joke that he can’t get reach stuff. Then they would all get a good laugh at him when he tried to reach the book from the highest shelf and he couldn’t reach it. That was the last time he tried to prove a bully wrong because he spend the rest of his day inside a locker until the janitor found him and let him free.

He started going to Belleville High School when he was a freshman, it was nice, like a new start for small boy. He still looked very young for his age, but it seemed like with public school that stuff didn’t matter. No one really knew him besides his neighbors and that did make things a little easier for him. He made friends quickly, he was so happy about that. He’s never _really_ had friends. His mom’s friends would always come over with some other boy for Frank to play with, but they always stopped coming over after a while. He would be friends with his cousins, but it wasn’t the same as real friends that he made himself. He was really happy he made the friends he did at the new public school. He’s really glad he made the decision about changing schools. He will probably never tell his parents about the bulling in Catholic school. The boy is way too embarrassed to relive that and tell his parents everything that happened with him. The day he started high school was the day he made a promise to himself: never let the small things get to him. When he was in Catholic school every little problem got to him and he would get so upset over all the small things that he should have let go.

When Frank was 15 he got interested in music deeply. He wanted to learn to play the guitar so badly. He told his parents that for Christmas that year he wanted a guitar. His parents were more than happy to buy the boy a guitar for Christmas. Frank was so happy when he opened the box, he jumped on his dad and hugged him for what felt like forever and told him he was so grateful for his parents and doing this for him. He ran right up to his room and became practicing the guitar on his own. It took him a long time to figure it out but once he did he was so happy and wouldn’t let the thing go. He would spend hours playing, he learned covers at first, and looking up the tabs and everything until he got it perfect and he sounded just like the original.

Soon he formed a band called Pencey Prep after his favorite book, The Cather in the Rye. He usually plays for his school; the pep rallies, the school dances and the car washes. He would also try to book small venues and clubs. He doesn’t care if he’s playing for 5 people for 500 people, as long as he’s playing that’s all he cares about. He loves playing, he loves making music and making someone smile, even if it’s just one person. He’s happy he’s made at least one person happy for the music he’s made. That’s what all he cares about. He knows he wants to make music for a living. This is what he wants to do for his life. This is his calling, he’s meant to do this.

He’s never been happier in his life than with a guitar in his hands.

 

* * *

 

Frank goes into school a little early than he expected, the traffic wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. He’s thankful this is his last year and then he will be off to college. He wants to play music for his career, but he promised his parents that he would get at last an Associate’s degree for a safety blanket. He figured that wasn’t so bad and he can do that. He knows he could have those shitty parents that don’t agree with making music because it’s not a “normal” career, he’s very thankful for his support system he has at home. It’s very nice having a family that just wants you happy and that no matter what you want to do in life, they will be proud of you.

As Frank heads over to his locker he notices the quiet boy from yesterday, he was on the ground against the wall drawing again. He almost blended into the walls; if it wasn’t for his green jacket no one would probably notice him. The jacket is huge on him and it’s a little bright, causing for some people to notice him. No one came over to the artist boy, not once, everyone passed him like he wasn’t even there. Frank has been staring at the boy for about 10 minutes and he knows he probably looks like a total creep but he can’t seem to take his eyes off him. He doesn’t even know his name.

He seems so timid and lonely and it’s truly heartbreaking to see. It’s like he’s begging for someone to talk to him, but when someone does he freezes up, like when Frank talked to him yesterday. Almost like no one talks to him at all and he’s truly left alone, but that can’t be true. Sure, he has no friends in school but Frank is sure his parents talk to him. It’s impossible to be so alone to that point, his parents have to talk to him, right? Plus he’s a great artist, he saw his comic strip yesterday and it was completely wonderful. He sure knows how to draw. He had so much detail in his work; you can tell he took his time on making the strip. He has to show someone else these wonderful pieces. Only an asshole wouldn’t see the beautiful work he does. He’s truly a fantastic artist, a true born gift.

So Frank decides to talk to the boy, he must want a friend, right? No one should be alone. Frank felt so sorry for him yesterday. He really wanted to invite him to hang out with his friends, but he was worried how he would react and think Frank is weird for asking a guy he barely knows to hang out with him and his weird ass friends. He also looked like he was going to have a panic attack just from another person talking to him, he would probably freak out hanging out in a group. Frank didn’t want the mysterious artist boy to run away from Frank and never want to talk to him again, he wanted to become his friend. It was sad seeing him all alone, really sad. He remembers feeling alone when he was in Catholic school. All the boys were a lot bigger than him and people made fun of him because he was small. All the girls thought he kind of looked like a girl, but he honestly never really cared what the girls thought. He’s never spoken about his sexuality to anyone, because truthfully, he’s still very confused. He thinks women are very beautiful, but he has absolutely no interest into having a relationship with a female. He always thought men were also very attractive as well. The only difference is that he can see himself having a relationship with a man.

Frank is just very confused with what he wants romantically. He’s a little romance stupid too. He’s never had a girlfriend, or boyfriend.

“Hey,” Frank said with a warm smile, looking at the black haired boy, “I never got your name yesterday, I’m Frank, you are…?”

The artist boy didn’t speak at first, it was almost like he was making sure that Frank was actually speaking to him again, he looked confused at Frank, looked around and saw that no one was around so Frank was indeed talking to him and he set his sketchpad down.

“Oh – I’m Gerard.” The boy said back, he won’t look at Frank in the eyes though. His eyes go back to his hands and he’s playing with his fingers trying to avoid looking at the other boy.

Frank frowns and tries to spark up talking to him, he’s not giving up on this just yet. “I never really saw you around. Have you always been a student here?”

The boy, Gerard, looks up at Frank and simply says, “I’ve lived here my whole life. I’ve always been in Belleville.”

How has he never seen this boy, Gerard around? Frank isn’t the most popular guy in the world, but this school is kind of small, it’s easy to get to know everyone who attends here. Even the kids who aren’t part of your friends circle, you kind of know everyone. The druggie kids, the smart kids, the drama club kids, you just know everyone. How has Gerard slipped under the radar for so long?

Instead of asking Gerard all of those questions swimming inside his head he just nods his head and says, “so why haven’t I seen you?”

Gerard just shrugs his shoulders, “I don’t exactly talk to people.”

Frank nods again and chews his lip, he doesn’t want to leave Gerard just yet, he really wants to get to know him. He doesn’t want to leave Gerard alone, he’s just so lonely and it’s so sad seeing a boy like that. It’s truly heartbreaking watching it, Frank wants to see Gerard smile. It seems like he doesn’t smile too often, _everyone_ should smile.

Frank chews his lip and thinks of something to say to Gerard for him to say more than a few words to him. He decides to lean against the wall and go on the floor along with the boy, flashing him a huge toothy grin, “so, your comic strip – how’s is coming out? Can I see it?”

“You like comic books?” Gerard blurted out back to him, almost shocked that Frank knows a thing or two about comic books. He’s never met anyone else in the entire world who likes comic books, he also works his hardest on not talking to people and shutting everyone out, it was bound that someone else enjoys comic books.

“Yeah, man, they’re pretty awesome. It’s cool you draw your own, takes a lot of dedication.”

Gerard looks at Frank like he is a science experiment gone wrong. Doesn’t Frank know it’s a terrible idea talking to Gerard Way? Doesn’t he know that no one cares for him? That he’s just meant to rot alone, just like his mom says, that he’s just going to be alone and end up alone, because no one wants ‘a troubled, misunderstood fag artist,’ as his mother says oh-so-lovely.

Gerard doesn’t say anything though, he just shows Frank his work.

Gerard feels this warm feeling in his heart as he shows Frank his comic strip, the feeling he hasn’t felt in so long. He only feels pain or nothing at all. He’s used to feeling numb and he sort of enjoys it at this point. He hasn’t felt happiness in years and honestly, it scares the fuck out of him that someone might actually care for him, because no one has ever cared about him, only Grandma Elena. She cared about Gerard; but no one else really did. Sure they pretended to care, but they never lasted. Some people are meant to be around people, and some aren’t meant to be around people, and Gerard is the kind of person who’s meant to be alone.

He doesn’t really want this feeling to stay, though. He doesn’t want to let Frank in. He doesn’t want to confined in Frank and tell him his deepest secrets, he doesn’t want to see Frank’s sad face when Gerard tells him how his parents shun him away like he’s some sort of freak show science experiment. He’s learned a long time ago that he and friends just don’t mix, but the spark in Frank’s eyes when he sees Gerard’s artwork makes him a little happy inside that someone else can appreciate it like he does. He really likes how Frank stayed around even after Gerard made a brunt attempt to keep Frank away from him and his fucked up life.

He knows Frank will leave soon, everyone leaves in the end, that’s why he’s never gotten attached to anyone before for that exact reason. He always pushes everyone out before they can get too close to him. He’s become a professional at keeping people away from his heart. He’s become very good at letting so many people out that everyone has given up on trying. He’s become so self-infused in his own depression and loneliness that he seems to enjoy it in some weird way. As much as he wants to get attached to someone and find a reason to smile, he doesn’t let him. He doesn’t let himself get attached.

So why can’t he stop his attachment towards Frank Iero?

 


	3. Generation Thrownaway.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank didn't expect it to turn out like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so i really suck at writing anything like this. i really am sorry for it sucking. i REALLY dont like this one. i tried my best to avoid scenes like this but i kinda had to do it :/ also there's not many other scenes like that. it just sets up how fucked up gerards head truly is. comment?

It has been 3 weeks since the morning in the hallway and Gerard hasn’t left Frank alone. He won’t let the musician have a second to himself ever since he asked what his name was. Frank pitied the lonely boy, but he had other things to do other than make sure Gerard wasn’t going to wind up killing himself or some shit, he doesn’t need to let that lie on him. He would feel guilt for the rest of his life if that actually went down. He doesn’t think it will, but he doesn’t want to jinx it.

He doesn’t understand how he got so addicted to him, it’s not like Frank is the coolest guy on earth. He noticed when Frank invited him over to his house was when the attachment happened, he loved his family. He wouldn’t stop talking about his parents, how they’re nice and how much he loves them. He went on for about 3 hours how much he loves his parents and if they ever need any help around the house or _anything_ to let him know right away and he will be over to the Iero house.

It freaked Frank out.

Frank doesn’t _dislike_ Gerard, he does very much enjoy his company, but he wishes he can have a second to himself. When they’re not hanging out, Gerard is texting him about every little thing that he’s doing and if he’s not texting him he’s calling Frank to tell him about his day. It was driving Frank insane. He needed some space and see his other friends. Naturally, Frank would invite Gerard to hang out with his other friends but whenever Frank talks about it Gerard goes mental and starts breaking down, telling Frank he can’t be around other people because of his social anxiety and it will really upset him. So he’s usually stuck with just Gerard and Gerard alone. Sometimes he thinks that Gerard has some sort of crush on him and he doesn’t want anyone else to see him. It was almost like he has this entitlement or ownership over Frank. It freaked him out. Frank just wishes that Gerard could see that he doesn’t only need to be around Frank and he can be around other people. He wants Gerard to have other friends. He doesn’t want him to become dependent on Frank even though it seems like he already is.

Gerard has opened up about his home life to Frank and he admits that it’s really upsetting. His _entire_ family ignores him and makes him feel like shit about being who he is. He told him about how mom shuns him away like some freak accident that needs to be hidden away from society and it truly broke his heart to hear him tell him this. He heard his voice break when Gerard opened up about his mom’s messed up way of raising his son, to be ashamed of whom he is. He told Frank how his dad pretty much doesn’t realize that Gerard is alive and how ironic it is because his dad helps people just like him, but he can’t even help or save his own son. He really feels like his family doesn’t care about him and Frank can see why he feels like that. He’s also told Frank about his younger brother, who’s the complete golden child out of the two. Gerard says that they only like Mikey because Mikey is spineless and follows into his parents footsteps. Frank was shocked that his brother goes to their school because just like Gerard, he’s never heard of Mikey Way. He said that that’s because he buries himself into school books and he doesn’t even attempt to make friends because he has enough of a cheer leading team from his family, they can’t get enough of Mikey Way and his excellent grades.

It was a really nice Saturday evening and Frank really wanted to take some photographs. A few years ago he became very interested in photography. He saved up and got himself a really nice camera to take some photographs. Sometimes he knew what he was going to snap, other times he didn’t really know. Either way he loved it. It was a nice hobby for him. He didn’t want to make a career or money off it, it relaxed him. It truly made him really happy and he really enjoyed having something he can do alone.

So that’s exactly what he’s doing he’s sitting on top of a hill and the sunlight is absolutely beautiful at around lunch time on top of this big hill. He really enjoys taking photos of landscapes and the sky. He finds it really beautiful and lovely, it takes his breath away with how it looks. He loves how he can find the true beauty in New Jersey. Sometimes New Jersey can be very ugly, with all the crime and how much people treat it like shit. As much as people trash New Jersey and talk bad about the small state, Frank loves New Jersey and he always will have a lot of Jersey pride. He’s proud to be from the Garden State. He loves it here, he always has and he always will. It’s his home and where his heart is.

“Hey Frankie,” Frank heard a voice call over to him when he was in the middle of taking a great shot of a bird flying into the sun. Frank gets startled and looks over and he sees Gerard walking over to him with a smile.

Frank can’t believe this, how the fuck did he know he was here? He hasn’t had his phone on him all day, he’s barely spoke to him for this exact reason, he wanted to be alone to take the photographs.

“Hey, Gee,” Frank mumbled back, going back into focus of the bird but the bird was gone. Feeling annoyed, Frank sighed and put his camera down, “what’s up?”

Gerard just shrugged, “nothing much. I finished my drawing and I had nothing else to do.”

_Well, duh. You don’t talk to anyone._ Frank thinks to himself but saves it to just himself, he doesn’t want to upset Gerard. He’s learned that Gerard is very fragile. If you say the wrong thing he will break down.

Frank decides to sit down next to Gerard and gives up and decides to call it a day on taking photographs. Taking photographs was the only thing he wanted to be able to do alone, but now he’s not alone. Gerard decided to join Frank in on his solitude.

Frank is just looking down at the grass the whole time Gerard was there, he didn’t really talk to him, just looked at the grass and look at the over view of the city before him. The hill he was sitting on was fucking huge, it had a huge over look of the city and it was breath taking. He loved looking at it. He could get lost in it. He loves how the grass isn’t really that green, it reminds him of how real Jersey is. It’s nothing like any other state, and he’s been all over the United States for vacations and such, nothing compares to Jersey and he thinks that’s why he loves it so much.

You go to New York and you can sense how fake everyone is there. He went there once with his mom and dad to visit his uncle who moved to Long Island and he completely hated it. His uncle wanted him to meet his neighbors’ daughter and told him that she was really cute, Frank, being the 15 year old (confused) hormonal teen, and he was fully on board with this. When he met her, Samantha, she was a total bitch. She only talked about her ex boyfriend who was an asshole to him. He was shocked to hear that Samantha wasn’t a virgin. He even asked her, ‘don’t you have other things to do than have sex?’ and she looked at him confused and asked what Frank did that was so much more fun than having sex, drinking, and doing drugs (he learned that day that Long Island is full of heroin addicts, even though Samantha didn’t do dope). He told her that he usually plays music, goes to shows, or take the train into Newark and try to buy some cheap band shirts. She laughed at Frank and called him a faggot.

He felt like the entire time Samantha was making bullshit up just to try to make her sound cool. He didn’t ask for her number when he left after the weeklong vacation. He was so happy to leave New York and get back to Jersey where he belonged.

Frank didn’t realize it, because he was so much in a daze from his memories with Samantha, Long Island’s classiest young lady, that he didn’t realize that Gerard was dangerously close to Frank and that made him feel a little funny.

“Can I tell you something, Frank?” Gerard said barely above a whisper.

“Uh – sure,” Frank replied back, a little confused.

“I have dreams about you.” Gerard simply said to Frank.

Frank shifted himself and got a good look at him, Gerard wasn’t joking, he wasn’t laughing. He was looking at Frank in a very serious manner. It made Frank nervous. He didn’t know what to say, so he stayed silent.

“I didn’t mean to freak you out, I just- I’m sorry.” Gerard mumbled, looking away from Frank, blushing.

“No! I mean – it’s alright, I guess.” Frank said with guilt in his voice.

Gerard smiled big and gave Frank a hug, holding onto him tight, “you’re the best ever Frankie, I love you.”

Frank just let Gerard hug him, he wanted Gerard to be happy and if he was happy hugging Frank, he could deal with that. Even though Frank has a little issue with people getting touchy feely with him, he’s trying to pretend that he can’t feel his heart racing as Gerard holds onto him tight, rubbing circles on Frank’s back. He can feel Gerard smelling Frank’s hair.

“You’re tense,” Gerard mumbled, shifting his body so he’s behind Frank. He starts to rub Frank’s neck and he melts to Gerard’s touch.

Frank closes his eyes and lets his neck and back get massaged. It feels so fucking nice. Between carrying around his heavy guitar to shows and playing so many shows and getting hurt while he’s on stage, his back is always hurting and it feels amazing to have someone rub him down and get all the knots and tension out of his body. It feels like pure ecstasy.

Gerard’s rubbing everywhere on his back; from his lower back to his upper back, his sides, and his neck. He leans into Gerard’s touch and makes ‘mm’ sounds as he Gerard works his hands on him. He doesn’t want it to ever stop because it feels so nice to have his body hampered. It feels so good to have another set of hands on him.

He feels Gerard’s hands go to his waist and he doesn’t really question it, even though it doesn’t really feel right for him, but he feels like a bowl of Jell-O. Even if he wanted to move he can’t. He can feel Gerard going to other places other than his back with his slick artistic hands. He feels Gerard’s right hand grip onto Frank’s hip, while the other plays with Frank’s stomach, his hand under his shirt. Frank shutters in respond to the new touches Gerard is sending off.

“Gee? What – what are you doing?” Frank asks in a shaky voice, a little scared.

He doesn’t get an answer out of the bigger boy, instead he’s being moved. Gerard slowly moves Frank on his back and Gerard is looking at Frank, he has pure terror on his face. Gerard just smiles and starts to caress his cheek with his left hand, he’s locked on Gerard’s eyes. He can’t turn away from them. He can’t move and he just wants to run. He wants to run down the giant hill and speed away in his tiny car. He doesn’t want to be here. He feels like he can’t breathe.

Gerard stays gazed into Frank’s eyes as he moves his left hand lower towards Frank’s lower stomach, playing with Frank’s hips bone’s, rubbing them gently. Frank closes his eyes but Gerard pinches his lower stomach, forcing Frank to open his eyes again to look at the black haired boy and Gerard smiles back at him. “Don’t take your eyes off me.” He commands in a hushed whisper.

Frank doesn’t move and he doesn’t stop looking at him; he keeps his eyes on Gerard as he feels his body gets violated. He can feel Gerard’s hands roam all over his lower half of his body. Frank is on the verge of tears, he never wanted this to happen. He feels like his self-control is out of the window and Gerard took it from him, he took away Frank’s will to fight back. He’s no longer in control of his own body. He’s never had his body be touched like this and he didn’t expect his first time to be with someone he only saw as a friend, to be with someone he never wanted to touch him like this, and someone who was so much bigger than him.

Gerard straddles Frank and he starts to take his boxers off and Frank starts to panic, he wants to run, he tries to run but Gerard’s weight is on Frank and he’s much bigger and Frank’s too small to fight back the other man. Gerard pulls his pants and boxers down fully and Frank tries to escape Gerard’s touch.

“Don’t you even dare,” Gerard spat and he looks down at Frank’s lower half and smirks, he studies Frank’s body and he smiles, looking at Frank’s dick. He’s tracing around Frank’s dark public hair, slowly inching his way to Frank’s penis to do whatever he pleases to it. Frank feels himself panic and start to cry silently.

“Please stop,” Frank sobbed out.

But Frank’s pleads was ignored. He turned his head so he didn’t watch Gerard go lower down, he can feel Gerard’s hot breath on his half hard dick. He’s embarrassed as his body betrayed him and became aroused from the touching and rubbing on his lower half. He wishes his dick would’ve stayed soft, but he grew hard and now Gerard has his dick to play with and do whatever he wants to do with it. Frank feels his walls closing him on him.

After what felt like a life time, Gerard’s mouth is on Frank’s penis and Frank bites his lips as Gerard bobs his head up and down onto Frank’s thick shaft. He starts to move his head quickly, trying his best to get a reaction out of Frank to make him keep going. He licks up and down Frank’s penis, tasting every inch of the boy.

“Shit.” Frank hissed as Gerard deep throats his dick, going fully back into Gerard’s mouth, a wave of pleasure over coming Frank as he moans, bucking his hips into Gerard’s mouth. He’s trying his best not to fuck Gerard’s mouth. He doesn’t want Gerard to know he’s enjoying it. He knows he’s failing terribly.

Gerard is picking up the pace, going faster, taking Frank’s dick out of his mouth and licking up and down his dick, slowly, going over Frank’s head, making Frank lift his hips up in pleasure. Gerard smiles at this, happy to see the smaller boy enjoying his mouth on him. He puts his hot mouth back on Frank’s member to finish what he started.

Frank is a moaning mess and he can’t control himself. This feels so _fucking good._ Frank is panting and moaning like a goddamn porn star, he feels his orgasm build up inside his stomach and he starts to roll his hips and starts to fuck Gerard’s mouth, hard and fast. Gerard lets him fuck his mouth, he can even feel his smile creep up, but he doesn’t care. The only thing he can think about is having his orgasm.

Just as Frank is about to come, Gerard removes his mouth from Frank and he cries out, his hips moving, begging for some sort of friction.

But he notices a dark smile on Gerard’s face as he bends Frank’s legs so they are on his chest and Frank already knows this isn’t going to end well. He can feel Gerard’s smile onto his ass as he enters a finger inside him. Frank’s eyes go wide and he tries to move from Gerard’s touch, completely helpless. No one’s going to save him now. He tries to move and Gerard stops for a second and smacks the inside of Frank’s thigh really hard, making Frank cry out.

“Don’t fucking move, don’t even fucking try it.” Gerard spits at him, adding another finger inside Frank, making Frank cry out in pain.

Gerard continues to play with Frank, using him like he’s his own personal toy. He’s moving fast inside Frank and he’s enjoying watching the smaller boy try to escape. He’s getting painfully hard watching Frank struggle, he laughs at this, because he can’t escape Gerard now. Gerard has him right where he wants him. “Yeah, baby, keep trying to escape.” He says, encouraging Frank’s attempts, he’s crying hard now. He feels another finger enter him, stretching him hard. The sun is almost down at this point.

“No one gives a fuck about you, Frankie.” Gerard taunts, leaning over to Frank so he’s in his ear, “do you see anyone coming for you? No one is going to rescue you. You’re mine to play with.”

He keeps playing with Frank like a used up toy, his fingers stretching Frank’s ass and Frank squirms from the touch. He knows Gerard is right, no one is going to come. No one cares that he’s here, being used up, being touched unwanted. He knows he’s trapped alone with Gerard and he truly can’t get away from the man. He can feel his finger leave Frank’s body and Gerard moves over to his side to get something from his bag that he always seems to carry around with him. Frank doesn’t move his legs though, he’s in shock and he can’t move. He’s scared if he tries to move that Gerard will hurt him.

He comes over to Frank’s face and grabs his cheeks, “suck.”

He can’t really see but he feels an object being shoved down his throat, he quickly realizes that it’s a dildo. He’s roughing shoving it down Frank’s throat, causing him to cough. The dildo hits his gag reflex and he feels spit dribble down his chin. He keeps moving it in and out of Frank’s mouth, like he’s giving the dildo a blowjob, roughing going to the back of his throat. Then he keeps the dildo down his throat so Frank is unable to breathe. After a few seconds Frank starts choking on the object and Gerard loves it, he loves the agony on Frank’s face. He loves watching his innocence being ripped from him. He spits the dildo out and Gerard just hums in respond.

Gerard disappears from Frank and goes back to his lower half and roughly thrusts the dildo inside Frank. He’s screaming as hot tears fall down his face and his body gets ripped in half. Gerard keeps moving the object roughly in and out of Frank with no remorse. He can feel Gerard’s smile as he watches Frank’s body get torn by his own hands and he loves every second of it. He loves the tears, the way Frank’s face is turned so he can’t see Gerard ripping away at him. He loves watching his body slowly give up. He loves how Frank has submitted to him, making Frank his bitch and for now on he will do whatever he wants in fear that this is going to happen again. Frank can’t stop his cries and he yells louder as he feels the object go deep inside him, Frank gasps for air. It feels like someone is choking him and he’s losing his air supply. The pain is unbearable; the dildo is rather large for Frank’s virgin body. He wants this to be over, he wants to be in control of his body again because as of right now Gerard has all control of him and he hates it. He wants Gerard to stop so badly to the point that he’ll give Gerard anything to never do this to him again. He doesn’t stop, he keeps going faster, keeps going harder, he feels blood trickle down on his ass and he knows that he tore him. It doesn’t stop the fast movements ripping through Frank as he keeps thrusting the object in and out.

“Please- stop! Gerard!” Frank begs in between sobs of crying.

Gerard laughs, going faster until he realized that Frank has stopped crying. He’s pretty sure Frank passed out from the pain and he stops, pulling the dildo out of Frank and pushes his knees down so he’s lying flat on the grass. He goes over to Frank and sees that he’s still awake, but he’s in shock, his eyes wide, looking up at the sky. He’s not moving at all. He’s frozen.

“It feels good gaining some control for once,” Gerard whispers inside Frank’s ear, he doesn’t move. He just looks at the sky, his cheeks stained with tears. He has no more tears to shed tonight. His body is on fire, he can barely even move. He’s so upset that someone he calls a friend has done this to him. His body has been ripped in half and he can feel the blood on him that makes him want to throw up. Gerard was supposed to be his friend, he was just trying to be nice and befriend someone who was very much alone. He wanted him happy; he didn’t want Gerard to sexually abuse him. Never in a million years did he think this would happen to him. Gerard doesn’t look like an abuser, but he was clearly wrong. He never wants to see Gerard ever again. He wants Gerard to leave him the fuck alone.

“Leave me alone.” Frank said bitterly to the other boy, trying his best to get up but Gerard quickly punches Frank in the face hard on his cheek and it causes Frank to stay on the ground. He feels pain in both his face and his ass.

“Fuck!” He yells, rubbing his cheek.

“This isn’t over Frankie, you’re mine to play with. My own toy,” he taunts into his Frank’s ear and he shutters to the threating words.

Frank’s blood turns into ice. He realizes that he’s trapped inside Gerard’s game.

There’s no escape.


	4. Guiltripping.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rock bottom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrrrright, so i want you guys to REALLY get inside gerard's head so this is where this chapter comes in. i actually cried while writing this because i started to feel so bad for gerard. hope you guys enjoy this. comment?
> 
> Disclaimer: i don't own anyone in this story. lyrics at the beginning belong to The Used. Title belongs to frnkiero andthe cellabration.

_You'll never make it alone. It's easier to go. You've always been on your own. It's easier to go. Nothing safe feels real, waiting here to die. Just hoping I reveal there's something. Picking up my brains, you can tell your mom that men are all the same. Just what am I supposed to say? And tell you why I turned out this way? Don't make me. Don't make me. If you love it, then let it go. And how I died, you'll never know. Just don't blame me. Don't hate me._

 

* * *

 

Gerard’s heart is heavy with guilt and he can’t even come around to look in the mirror to see the monster he truly is. He’s a monster. No one does what he’s done to someone and expect them to be human. Gerard isn’t human; it’s not possible for him to be human. He’s a monster. He hates himself, hating himself is an understatement actually. He doesn’t know what to do, should he turn himself into the police for sexually abusing someone he once called a friend? Should he try to beg for forgiveness from Frank? He doesn’t know. He truly doesn’t know. The only thing he does know is that he’s a ruthless monster that doesn’t even deserve to live. He’s questioning why he’s breathing at this very moment.

Not only he doesn’t deserve to live, he doesn’t deserve someone so perfect as _Frankie_. He doesn’t deserve his friendship, or anything else for that matter. He doesn’t deserve someone so nice, so funny, handsome, perfect, and beautiful, as him. He never deserved Frankie in the first place, he was stupid for thinking he even did in the first place. What he does deserve is the pain, he doesn’t deserve anything else other than the pain. That’s why Gerard was okay with having pain, it’s all he deserved. His mother hates him, and she makes it known how much she hates him. His dad never gave a fuck, his brother acts like he’s not even there, he treats himself like an only child. He’s not wanted. He never actually understood why his mom hated him so much, even when he was at rock bottom he still had some hope that his mom would turn around and love him, but he understands it now. He understands why his mom hates him, why he truly has no one. Why he doesn’t deserve anyone. He doesn’t deserve any happy. He only deserves pain.

That’s exactly what he’s doing now; he’s giving himself the pain he deserves. He hasn’t touched a single drug or drink since he became friends with Frank. Frank took all the urge away, Frank made him feel like he actually mattered and that he didn’t need to do this to himself. It’s all a giant lie. He deserves it the burn in his nose as he takes a line of the pain killer. He deserves the nasty taste in his mouth that he gets after he does the pill. He deserves the hang over he gets the next day after drinking a whole bottle of Jack Daniels to himself.

Right now it’s late and Gerard cannot think straight, he can’t even fucking see straight. He knows he’s in his room, like he always is. He’s always in his fucking room. The walls are going to close in on him one day he knows it for sure. He just drank half of the bottle of Jack Daniels but he can still see Frank’s face in his mind. He can see his tears, he can _feel_ his tears. He can still smell Frank, he smells like Curve. He loves the smell, he smells so good. He can’t stop smelling the cologne. He can still hear Frank beg for Gerard to stop, he can still hear his pleas for Gerard to get off him and to let him go home, get away from Gerard. He needs Frank to erase his mind or else he’s going to fucking lose it, more than he’s already lost it at least. He needs to get Frank out of his head.

He figures he should take his last 2 small blue pain killers. These usually do the trick for him, they make his mind into mush. They usually get him to stop thinking about anything all together so it’s bound to help him forget about Frankie. He needs to get him out of his mind. He doesn’t deserve to have Frank there in the first place. He thought drinking would get Frank out of his mind, but it didn’t work. He needs to add more fuel to the fire.

Gerard gets up from his small twin sized bed and goes over to his drawing desk. Getting angry; he throws all his art pieces all over the place. He’s angry at his talent, angry at creating something beautiful. He doesn’t want to look at these, they make him sick. He doesn’t want to look at his work because it reminds him of a happier time. So he throws them all over the floor, hoping that the floor is made of lava and the floor burns up the papers into little black and gray ashes. Sighing, Gerard sits himself down at the desk, breathing heavy with silent tears trickling down his face and he opens the drawer. He sees his poison and smiles because he’s missed it. He sees the straw, slightly cut so it’s smaller and his 2 small blue pills along with his credit card and a mirror.

He breathes in deep as he crushes up his pills into dust, he would rather sniff the drugs rather than swallow them. They kick in faster when you sniff them. He just wants to forget, he wants to make Frank go away. He needs him gone. Bending over to the small mirror he sniffs half the drug and he starts to cough deeply. It’s been a few weeks since he’s done any drugs and his nose has recovered from abusing his nasal for so long. His nose isn’t used to it anymore, making him cough and burn his nose. The burn almost feels good because he can’t lie, he’s missed it. He loves how he feels when he’s on pills. He doesn’t feel at all and that’s exactly what he needs right now. He just needs to feel numb and the drugs and Jack Daniels is going to help him become numb and help him forget, soon his problems will be gone. He smiles to himself, happy with his very well hidden addiction.

It’s comical to Gerard, actually, everyone judges; assumes. They always assume that Gerard is this little emo faggot who cuts himself every night. Truthfully, Gerard has not once cut himself. He’s never burned himself; he has never put any physical pain on himself. No one expects him to be this closet alcoholic junkie who sits in his room all day and does drugs and drinks so much to the point where he can feel his liver turning into dust. He laughs at this, because it’s so hidden no one would ever find out. He never told Frankie, it’s his secret. How would it be a secret if he would tell someone? Frankie naturally helped him stop the drug and alcohol abuse. He thanks Frank for the few weeks of sobriety, but somehow deep inside he knew it wouldn’t last long. This is who he is.

He knows the pills are kicking in, whenever the pills kick in he’s got to walk around. Gerard is pacing around his room, going into circles in his small room. He feels like his heart is going to pound out of his chest and he smiles at his own discomfort. I _deserve_ this he thinks to himself as looks at himself in his full length mirror.

He squints at his own reflection. He doesn’t know if he recognizes himself, who is he?

“Who am I?” Gerard asks the mirror, expecting an answer.

He doesn’t see himself. It looks like him, long dark hair, bright hazel eyes, and pale skin. But it’s not Gerard Way. It’s not who he was born to be. He doesn’t know how much longer he can even stand looking at himself but he can’t stop looking. He needs to just stare, looking at every inch of himself. He wants to throw up at the very sight.

Gerard doesn’t stop looking at himself as he sheds his shirt. He’s letting himself see his pale and chubby stomach and chest. He barely has any chest hair; he’s never grown any sort of body hair. He doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. He also doesn’t really grow facial hair, sometimes he looks like a girl. Next he takes off his blue and white pajama pants, leaving him in his dark green boxers. He’s looking at himself really carefully. His thighs look untoned, most likely because he never really works out. He starts smacking his own thighs, watching the fat on them jiggle around, making small skin waves. He shutters in disgust. He wishes he could just suck up all the fat from his body. He hates it, he really fucking hates it. It’s gross, it’s no wonder why when he told Frankie he had dreams about him that Frank looked at Gerard in disgust. He’s disgusting.

His skin feels hot and awkward as he looks at himself. He can see that his skin is slowly turning red, he’s fucking hot. It feels like the room is on fire and he hates it. He wants to bath in ice. He starts to breathe really heavy and his skin starts to feel like it’s crawling out of his skin. He’s sure he just saw a dark bump move over his arm.

“What the fuck,” he whispers to himself stepping closer to the mirror. He waits for the bump to move around again, he can fucking feel it coming. He can feel the object, or living creature to move again so he can take it away. It doesn’t happen, but the itchy crawling feeling doesn’t go away and he starts to give deep and strong scratches against his skin. He hisses at the pain. He’s not supposed to feel anything, he thinks to himself. He shouldn’t’ be able to feel and this panics Gerard. He needs to be numb, he can’t feel anything. Not even physical pain.

Panicking, Gerard runs over to his desk and he finishes the line of the pain killer. This time he doesn’t cough and he’s happy that he doesn’t cough because usually it takes away some of the drug and he doesn’t want to have any go to waste. He hopes to himself that it will take the itches away from his body because he really cannot handle that. It was a new feeling for him and he mentally and physically could not handle it.

He feels a wave wash over him and now he feels like he’s a ghost. He doesn’t feel real, Gerard isn’t even sure if he exists or not. At this point he actually doesn’t care because he is hoping that he doesn’t exist. That he’s actually dead, or maybe he’s never actually lived. He wishes Gerard Way has never existed.

But has he lived? He’s never done _anything_ because every person in his entire life have told him he shouldn’t; they put him down for it. They told him that it wasn’t the right thing to do, they told him what he loved to do wasn’t right. They shunned him away from the human race to save their own skin. He doesn’t know his own family. He pretends that it doesn’t hurt knowing they feel so low about him but it does. It fucking kills him actually. Gerard hasn’t spent Christmas or Thanksgiving with his family in fucking years, how pathetic is that? He hasn’t seen his family in what feels like forever. They all don’t even know him. It kills him, it kills him knowing that they don’t even want to know him. Did his parents even want him? Were they ever happy with him? He has all these questions but he knows he will never get answers because he’s lost his own voice. He doesn’t have a voice because people who don’t exist don’t have voices.

Only two people have ever gave a shit about Gerard were his grandma and Frankie, and they are both gone. He has no one. When his grandma died he felt like someone shot him in the heart, he knew he would never find another person so loving and caring like her. She had a heart of gold, she would go out of her way to make sure the people she loved were okay.

Even at such a young age, Donna Way was mistreating her oldest son. When Gerard was 6 years old he got a letter sent home because his teacher noticed how Gerard never interacted with the other students and the teacher wanted his parents to know so they could get Gerard some help. Rather than getting the young boy help, his mother told him he was a freak and that he was grounded. He remembers Grandma Elena sneaking him comic books that he could read while he was locked inside his room. She would bring him cookies when she came over. Donna hated how her mother loved Gerard. She would snicker whenever she called Gerard’s name on Thanksgiving or Christmas so Gerard could sit next to her. Grandma Elena always sat at the head of the table, Donna hated it. She hated that for even an hour Gerard felt important to his family because inside her head, Gerard was not important. Gerard was shame in her eyes.

Grandma Elena isn’t going to be coming back, and Frankie isn’t either. Frankie is never going to speak to Gerard again and he can’t blame him.

Sitting on his bed, he looks at the walls. The plain colored brown walls. He just looks at the walls. He doesn’t have much on his walls, which is surprising for the teenager. But most teenagers have friends and aren’t as alone as Gerard. They have memories with friends; they have people that care about them. They also have pictures taken; Gerard has never once had a photograph taken of him with someone else. The only time was with his grandma and that’s it. His walls show no signs of memories or life. His walls are alone just like himself. Gerard is fucking alone.

It was then he realized how truly alone he really is. He has no memories, no stories to relive about. He has fucking nothing. The only people he had are gone and no matter what he does he can’t get either of them back. They made him feel important, made him feel wanted. Now what is he? He’s nothing all over again. He’s nothing and he can’t do anything about it, he has no voice. Frankie gave him a voice, he was smiling again. He wasn’t crying, he wasn’t using drugs or drinking anymore since Frankie entered his life. Frankie gave him life again. He helped rebuild the voice and life in him that he lost, Gerard never thought he would ever get it back. But he knew it, he just knew it would’ve went away. The first time he lost his voice was when his grandma died and he had to learn on his own to live without his voice. Then Frankie came and gave him a voice, now it’s gone again and he doesn’t know how or if he can recover. He’s not sure if he can this time. If you have no voice you do not exist and you’re alone. Gerard is starting to believe that he’s meant to be alone and truly have no one.

He started to cry again and Gerard is rocking back and forth on his bed. It feels like his head is going to pop off and he’s going to bleed all over his bed. His mom would love that, she wouldn’t have to deal with her stupid son that she locked away from the world ever again. Frankie would love it too. His abuser will be gone and Frank would certain that he will never be hurt in such a horrible way ever again. He would be with his grandma again, even though she probably wouldn’t want him ever again from what he’s done to Frank. She didn’t raise Gerard like that. She would be disgusted in Gerard’s actions and she will shun him away too. He hopes he goes to Hell because he sure as fuck knows his grandma is in Heaven. She was always a good person, unlike Gerard.

Gerard cannot stop crying, the pain and realization he’s hidden away for so long has hit him like a shit ton of bricks. He realizes how alone he is. He always knew he was alone, but he sees how truly alone he really is. He’s so alone to the point where he can’t even have people in his life without Gerard fucking it up. He will never have anyone. It’s always been him and these 4 walls he’s learned to live with. He’s learned to become friends with the shadows in his room rather than people in the outside world. He’s learned to talk to himself rather than other people. As much as he knows he doesn’t deserve this, he longs for someone to love him. The only thing he wants is someone to hold his hand and tell him that he’s going to be alright. Even if they’re lying, he just wants to hear the words come out of someone’s mouth. He wants to matter to someone. He wants to feel like he’s living for a reason because right now he can’t seem to find a good reason for him to be alive. He’s built up these walls around his heart and life that he physically cannot let anyone in on his life. He truly can’t let someone in his life, he will make sure it gets fucked up somehow and it kills him. He doesn’t want to be this way but he can’t stop himself. It’s like his solitude is on auto pilot. The second someone enters his life he ruins it. Just like his fucking mother would want it to be like. She always said he doesn’t deserve friends, _freaks don’t deserve friends, Gerard. You deserve to be alone._

Choking out a pathetic sob, Gerard says to himself, “I’m so fucking alone.”

“I’m so fucking alone.”


	5. Moving On.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank finally lets it all out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer - i don't own anything but the fucked upness in my head. this is all fiction.

Frank has been depressed. He hasn't done anything but go to school and stay inside his room. He doesn't play his guitar, he doesn’t create anything, and that worries everyone around him, everyone knows that Frank loves to play.  He doesn't want to see anyone, he tells everyone who asks him to hang out that he can’t and that he has something to do and runs away from them. People scare the living shit out of him, mostly Gerard. He’s so scared of him. He can still see his evil eyes glaring at him. Frank is so confused, because he was nothing but nice to him, and everyone else for that matter. His mom always told him to be nice to everyone, to treat everyone just like you want to be treated, so why did this happen? He’s always been told that if you treat people good that people will treat you good. Why would Gerard hurt him then? Why did Gerard have to hurt him and violate him? Frank didn’t know what to do; deep down inside he still liked Gerard. But he was scary. He didn’t want Gerard to try and tear him down again, and cause Frank to lose all control of himself and his body. It was the worst feeling he’s ever experienced in the world. Frank never wants that ever again. He doesn’t want to relive that night, it’s been a few weeks and he can still feel Gerard’s hands on him, the /object/ inside him. Gerard hasn’t tried to contact him and he’s happy about that. He doesn’t even see him at school, he saw him once. He was back to being the miserable and lonely man Frank remembers first meeting. It’s like he went back to his old self, but Frank isn’t back to his old self. He’s not him anymore, he lost himself.

 

* * *

 

 

“Honey, please try to eat,” Frank’s mom said with sympathy as they ate dinner, Frank has barely touched his plate. Linda is really worried about her son, he has never been like this and she doesn’t know what to do, it’s killing her to see him like this.

Frank just mumbled something and picked up his fork and forced a mouthful down his throat, he tries not to taste the pasta that his mom made. She knows how much he loves pasta, but today he _doesn’t_ want to eat, just like every day for the past 2 weeks.

“We haven’t been hearing you play lately, son. Writer’s block?” His father asked, trying to get his son to talk to his parents.

“Haven’t really wanted to play,” Frank said with his head down, not even looking at his parents.

He can feel their glares, their worried looks, Frank _always_ wants to play. That guitar is his entire world. His parents usually have to get him to stop playing it, now they just want to hear him play. He loves it, it’s what keeps him going. He is so happy when he plays the thing. His mother is just looking at her son, completely shocked at what Frank has just said and his father is looking at him with concern. His parents have always been very loving people to him, they care about their son very much and it’s breaking their heart seeing their only child like this. They just want to help him, but they’re running out of ways. They feel like their losing their loving, happy, wonderful son.

His parents didn’t say anything to him though, they didn’t want to push Frank into talking about something that he didn’t want to talk about. Both Linda and Frank Sr have always said they wanted Frank to trust them. It was their most important rule once Frank hit his teenage years, without trust they wouldn’t have a relationship with him and they don’t want to hide anything from him. Frank Sr and Linda feel like they’ve lost Frank already, they both have feelings that Frank is hiding something from them and it hurts them both very much.

Frank mumbles something about needing to finish his homework and leaves without any other word or look and goes up into his room.

When he goes into his room he just sits on his bed and looks at the wall, his walls have a bunch of random shit all over the walls. He usually really likes it, but for some reason he doesn’t like it right now. He’s mad. He’s so fucking pissed off, all these memories he has with people, he’s fucking mad. All the pictures of him meeting all these bands, all his idols, he’s so happy, with a huge smile on his face. He’s fucking pissed off. He was so happy and now he’s not. He’s fucking miserable. He doesn’t give a shit about anything anymore; he’s lying to his parents. He’s not himself, he’s not the happy guy that everyone knows him as, and it’s fucking pissing him off.

“ _Fuck you!_ ” Frank yelled into the air, getting up from his bed and tearing all the posters, set lists, pictures of friends. He just took it all, screaming as he strips his walls, ripping apart the memories. He’s seeing red, he can’t stop himself, he feels like his chest is caving in and he can’t stop himself. He doesn’t feel anything else but his heart pumping blood and there’s a huge pit of fire in his eyes and he trashes his entire room without remorse.

Frank looks the right side of his room and sees his guitar. It’s white with a few stickers on it. He doesn’t stop looking at it. It’s looking at him and mocking him. Laughing at him, making him remember how happy the musical object makes him. Frank is sick to his fucking stomach. He goes over to his guitar and lifts it off the stand and starts to smash it.

“Fuck you, fuck you, _fuck you!_ ” Frank is screaming to no one, he’s just screaming as he bashes his personal items into nothings. Frank cannot stand it any longer; he’s going to burst, even more than he already has. He’s officially lost it.

When he finally clams down he notices that he’s sitting on the floor of his room and looking down at the mess he’s made. He’s breathing really heavily, his heart feels like it’s going to bust out from all the blood pulsing through it in such a rage. Frank doesn’t always lose his temper, but when he does it’s never pretty. Frank doesn’t really lose his temper.

“Frank! Open the door!” Frank hears the voice of his father screaming, banging on the door. He doesn’t remember his dad knocking, but Frank wasn’t able to hear anything or see anything for a few minutes, he blacked out for a second.

He takes a shaky step and gets himself up and goes over to the door and opens it and sees his father standing there with a huge worry and sadness on his face. It hurts Frank to see his father looking like this. It’s really sad, he feels like he disappointed his dad.

“Frank, what the fuck happened?” His dad said stepping inside his room, looking at the mess Frank’s done.

“All of this shit made me happy; I don’t want to see it.” Frank spat back to his dad, not even looking at him.

“Son, look at me,” his dad ordered and Frank lifted up his face, “what is going on, please talk to me.”

He doesn’t know where to start, how does he tell his dad how he got sexually abused by his _friend_ and he’s been a damn wreck ever since. How does that make Frank a man? Men don’t let that happen. Frank is so embarrassed about what happened to him. He doesn’t have it in him to admit it to someone, even if it was his dad and he trusts his dad with his life. He just doesn’t have the heart to tell his dad what happened to him and watch his dad get upset. Both his parents are already upset enough with their son about the way he’s been acting. He really doesn’t want to add more fuel to the fire. He knows he’s making his parents upset.

But Frank does it – he goes to his bed and lies down and starts from the start, his dad listening at the foot of the bed looking at his son with empathy as Frank spills his guts. He starts telling him the day he saw Gerard and he felt so bad for Gerard because he looks so lonely and he figured he could use a friend. His dad looks at Frank with empathy. Frank tells his dad how Gerard became very attached to Frank. He always wanted to be near Frank, he always wanted to know what he was doing. He was happy that Gerard had a smile on his face but he couldn’t always be with him. He wanted to see his other friends too, but Gerard wouldn’t let that happen. And he didn’t want Gerard to get upset again, he liked seeing Gerard really happy. Frank’s voice started to shake as he told his dad how Gerard found Frank on the top of the hill and violated him. He didn’t get into a deep detail about what he exactly did to him, he didn’t want to relive that part of his life. He wanted to forget about it all together. But he told his dad how Frank lost all control of himself and Gerard took advantage of him. He told him how Gerard liked him in a romantic way and Frank rejected him. He didn’t mean to reject Gerard, he didn’t think he would react like that.

“The fucked up thing is that I think I would forgive him after what he’s done to me. How fucked up is that?”


	6. Fighting With Your Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: this is fake. i don't own anyone in this fictional story.
> 
>  
> 
> I also really don't like this chapter a lot.. i've had a terrible few weeks and i'm so beyond depressed. but writing helped me a little bit. please comment?

“Frank! Pass the fucking bowl, dude!” Jamia, Frank’s best friend since kindergarten yelled, trying to get Frank out of his daze. He can never pay attention anymore and it makes Jamia annoyed sometimes. Frank recently started hanging out with her again.

 “What? Oh – sorry,” Frank mumbled, handing over the bowl to let Jamia hit the weed that they just bought about an hour ago. Frank’s pretty high; he hasn’t gotten high in a long time. He’d been so consumed into Gerard and they never drink or smoke. They always enjoyed each other without being under the influence of some sort.

Frank feels guilty. He has so much guilt built up inside of him, he didn’t want to just stop talking to Gerard like he did and cut him off so forcefully. It honestly kills him that he did that to him. He wishes he could just go back in time, and maybe if he agreed to like Gerard back maybe he wouldn’t force him on him like that. His head has been so fucked up ever since the event weeks ago. Frank feels trapped inside his own head, he told his father what happened and his father told him he’s there for him. But he doesn’t have the heart to tell anyone else about the event. Gerard was already known to be known as a total outcast. Frank wouldn’t live with himself if the word got out that Gerard forced himself on him. He doesn’t care if people will think Frank is gay, because he honestly has no idea if he is or not. He just doesn’t want Gerard’s name tainted even more than it already is.

“What’s with you lately?” Jamia asked, putting the bowl down, “you’ve been so different lately.”

Jamia is Frank’s best friend. She’s always been there for Frank and he really doesn’t know how she’s been dealing with him after all these years. Frank is so impulsive and Jamia just goes with it. The woman is actually a saint in disguise. Frank doesn’t know where he would be without her. She followed him to public school; she used to go to the same Catholic school as Frank. They’ve known each other since they were 6 years old and he can’t picture his life without her.

Before Frank could even answer all their friends came into the garage. They were at Jamia’s house in her garage. Her parents are kind of useless, both drug addicts.  They really don’t care what Jamia does. Plus Jamia isn’t stupid after seeing all she’s seen from her parents, the most she’s ever done was smoke pot and drink. She sees how her parents are and she vows to never become them. Before Frank disappeared, he would pretty much live in the garage with Jamia. It’s become his hang out with his friends. He holds many great memories in the place. They’ve all put their own piece of themselves into the place. Frank put his usual “xoFrnkIero” all over the walls, along with all the logo drawings of the Bouncing Souls. Ray, Frank’s other friend, added Iron Maiden posters, and the list goes on. It’s a really great place to kick back and enjoy yourself. There’s never any drama or problems when you entered the garage. It’s great.

“Look who came out again!” yelled the voice of Ray Toro. Frank has known Ray since he was a freshman. Ray is a really funny and genuine guy, but he also spoke his mind whenever he felt like it and he doesn’t exactly take your feelings into consideration.

“Yeah man, it’s me,” Frank said chewing his lip. He feels awkward and he forces a smile to escape his lips, trying his best to pretend he’s happy to be around his friends again, when in reality he just wants to be around Gerard.

“I want you to meet Mikey,” Ray said with a smile. A tall boy with glasses emerged over Ray’s large body.

“Hey,” Frank mumbled, looking at the kid. He looked kind of lost and pretty scared.

“Mikey is usually buried inside books, so I’m trying to get him out more. He’s pretty cool,” Ray explains, as if he knew Frank was wondering why he looked so out of place.

The rest of the night goes pretty normal, they smoke another bowl of weed and Frank is really quiet. He doesn’t feel like talking to anyone, his mind always goes back to Gerard. He knows he shouldn’t want to see Gerard but he can’t help but feel like he’s attached to the boy. He just wants to be around him like they used to. He loves his friends and all but they’re not Gerard. They don’t truly make him laugh, once you get to know Gerard you see how funny he really is. He really misses him even when his brain tells him to stop missing him, he just wants to see him so badly. It doesn’t help that Gerard is usually never at school anymore. He doesn’t see him drawing on the floor against a wall, or trying his best to stay invisible and stay away from everyone because he feels like he doesn’t deserve it. In Frank’s eyes he deserves it, he used to tell Gerard all the time that he deserves to be noticed just like everyone else, but his fucked up family has him convinced that he’s this piece of shit that needs to be locked away like a caged animal. It pisses Frank off to no end. It makes his blood boil. His family isn’t a family, they treat him like shit just because they don’t approve of his career choice.

“It’s so hard trying to find some friends for me, having _Gerard Way_ for a brother can really put a damper on you,” Frank heard a faint voice say, breaking him out of his thoughts. It was mostly the person saying Gerard’s name, he said it with such venom and disgust.  He looked over and saw the voice belonged to the scared boy, Mikey, that Ray brought over. Frank’s blood boiled and anger rose inside him.

“Fuck you, you arrogant piece of fucking trash, fuck you!” Frank snapped, getting up and going over to Mikey.

“Excuse me?” Mikey huffed, in disbelief.

Frank moved closer to Mikey, inches away from his face, “don’t you fucking dare talk about Gerard like that. It’s your fault he’s so screwed up, you and your fucked up parents! Treating him like he’s a goddamn freak!” Frank hissed back, ready to fight the kid if he said the wrong thing to him.

Defense rose inside Mikey after Frank said something about his family, “listen, you don’t – ”

Before Mikey could finish what he was going to say Frank shoved him hard and Mikey got slammed against the wall, pure terror and shock in his face as his head rocked against the wall.

Frank ran over so he’s still close to Mikey again, he can’t escape the angry boy, “if I ever catch you talking about Gerard like that ever again I will beat your sorry ass so fucking hard you’re going to be in the hospital for fucking months, got it?” Frank snarled at Mikey. Mikey nodded his head, completely scared of the boy who was once so quiet for the past hour.

Frank left with no other words, leaving everyone in the place completely confused as to what the fuck just happened. Mikey didn’t move from the wall.

 

The next day at school Frank doesn’t talk to anyone. He stays to himself, whenever he sees any of his friends he runs away from them. He doesn’t want to face anyone and he wants to just stay alone until he can figure out what the fuck was going on through his head.

Gerard has fucked his head up so badly, the guy fucking sexually abuses him and he defends him and almost gets into a fist fight because of him. Frank cannot stop thinking about Gerard in more ways than one. Last night he got an erection just thinking about Gerard and that made him feel so sick to the point where he dry heaved into the toilet. He wishes he could get his head on straight but he can’t and it’s driving him insane.

He doesn’t want to be noticed, and thankfully no one does and he’s alone for the first time in what feels like forever. No one is trying to talk to him; no one is saying hello to him. It’s like Frank Iero doesn’t exist. No one cares about him, no one gives a shit if he’s here or not. Frank’s sure word got around that Frank almost got into a fight with Gerard Way’s younger brother because Mikey talked badly about him. He’s sure there’s a million stories going on. Frank knows for a fact that no one will come up to him and ask him any questions about it, people never say anything to you because then they’ll hear the truth and they can’t make up their own ideas. High school is a fucking bitch.

As the day goes on, he feels more and more depressed. He feels so alone that it hurts. He wanted to be left alone but now he just feels so lonely and he’s not really good at dealing with it. He’s usually with _someone_ and he’s not used to this at all.

He spends his lunch period writing down his thoughts by himself. He can feel his friends looking over at him, their eyes are burning holes in his back but he doesn’t look up. He doesn’t want to face them, not yet at least. He wants to spend his lunch hour writing what he’s been feeling. How he’s so confused about what he feels for Gerard. He wants to talk to him so badly, but he doesn’t even know what to exactly say to him. Frank shouldn’t forgive him; he shouldn’t want to speak to him. He wants to fight his heart and tell his heart that it’s wrong and his head is actually right. He doesn’t know how much longer he can fight with his heart before his heart wins and he goes and talks to Gerard. At this point he doesn’t even care about what they talk about, he just wants to talk to the boy. He feels so connected to him, even though he doesn’t want to feel anything for him.

“Hey,” a voice said, breaking down Frank’s wall he built to write his heart down on paper.

He looked up and he could swear he felt his heart stop, it was Gerard.

“I just wanted to say thank you. Mikey came home last night pissed off because you stood up for me.” Gerard stated, giving Frank a small smile before leaving. Not even letting Frank say anything back.

Frank felt confused, depressed, and most of all, lonely. He wanted Gerard to stay so badly, but he’s alone. He feels eyes all on him, he feels like a total freak. Like a caged animal.

Is this what it feels like to be Gerard?


	7. The Fantasy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SUCK AT SMUT SO BADLY IM SO SORRY. i really do suck at it meeeeh. but i wanted to add it in there. i'm so sorry if it sucks.. ;(
> 
> Disclaimer: don't owe, don't sue. i dont own anyone in this story. its all fake.

_Frank was lying on his back on his bed, his breathing hard, panting like an animal and his back is arched. His arms are bound on the bed posts and he’s watching the other man, he’s smirking at Frank as he starts to touch Frank’s dick slowly. Frank starts to tug on the restraints, begging for more contact. The other man starts to slowly jack Frank off and Frank arches his body from pleasure as the older man jacks him off. Frank is moaning loudly and tugging at the cuffs, surely making a mark._

_“Please…” he whimpers._

_“What do you want, Frankie?” the other man whispers into Frank’s ear, causing Frank to shutter, his dick twitching._

_“You – I want you.” Frank simply says back to the other man._

_“But you don’t want me.” He replies, slowly getting off Frank going to leave and Frank starts to shake his head._

_“No! I do – please! I need it.” Frank starts begging._

_The other man smile as Frank begs, and unlocks the handcuffs from Frank’s wrists, just as Frank was about to get up and stretch his legs the bigger man said, “Do not move! On your hands and knees,” he orders Frank and Frank obeys._

_Frank gets on his hands and knees in the middle of the bed and his head is laying low, he doesn’t look up, he doesn’t know if he wants to look up or not, but he doesn’t do it. He feels the other man’s hand glaze all over him, touching his back and slowly going down near his ass. He can feel his breathing starting to shorten as he feels the other man open his cheeks up and he enters a finger inside him. Frank tries his best to stay still and be good._

_“Be a good boy, Frankie,” the other man whispers into the silence, going deeper inside Frank. He’s starting to curl his finger so he’s hitting Frank’s prostate and Frank starts to wiggle around, trying to cause more friction between him and the finger inside him. He starts moaning and rocking his hips back and forth. Losing control and letting pleasure over ride him._

_Within seconds the other man smacks Frank’s ass hard and he yelps from the pain, “I told you to be a good boy, Frankie. Do you know what happens to bad boys?”_

_Frank looks up at the man, he eyes red and body sweaty, he’s looking at the other man with a desperate look. Their eyes locked on each other, the other man doesn’t change his expression, and he just keeps looking deep inside Frank’s eyes with a stern and serious face._

_“Wh-what are you going to do to me, Sir?” Frank finally says, breaking the silence, still on his hands and knees looking at him with pleading eyes._

_“You’re going to beg for me, Frankie. You’re going to learn to be a good boy and stay still.” The guy says back to Frank, lifting Frank up from the bed and having him stand on the floor._

_Frank is now standing in the middle of the room, naked and a little scared. He has no idea what he’s going to do with him, he’s a little excited but he’s also scared as fuck. He doesn’t move or look elsewhere other than the floor, he doesn’t look at the other man. He’s sure that it’ll make him angry and Frank doesn’t want to get punished even worse than he’s going to get right now._

_“On the floor, ass in the air, Frankie.” The man ordered Frank and he complied, going on the carpet floor and sticking his ass in the air. Waiting for what’s going to happen next._

_He feels the other man go down to the ground, Frank is breathing really heavily right now, he can feel the other man spread him out, and he feels his hot mouth dangerously close to his entrance. Frank does everything in him to keep still._

_“You will learn, Frankie,” he says, slowly licking around his entrance real quick and Frank lets out a loud moan, but still he doesn’t move, “you will learn that you will not move unless I tell you to. You will learn that you’re mine.” He told Frank as he went back to Frank’s entrance, making Frank almost lose control from the new contact._

_“Please,” Frank moaned at the touch. The other man ignored his moans and continued to work on Frank. His tongue is dancing around him, making Frank moan loudly. The other man starts to put his tongue inside Frank and he almost loses it and moves, but he groans even louder and doesn’t move._

_“Such a little whore for me,” the other man’s voice was harsh and raspy, filled with sex and lust. “You’re like a girl who gives it up to all the boys, aren’t you? You just want my dick in your cunt, you little slut. You’re such a pretty slut too, Frankie.”_

_Frank doesn’t say anything to him but moans even louder, begging for the other man to do something to him. The other man enters a finger inside him again and Frank’s eyes go wide, his whole entire body freezing as the other man slowly goes in and out of him. Frank shuts his eyes tight and tries to control his breathing as the other man enters another finger inside him, hitting his prostate every time. He starts to feel his stomach twist and he knows he’s going to come soon if the other man keeps fingering him like this._

_“Sir, I’m going to come,” Frank warns the other man._

_He doesn’t stop fingering him though, he just goes faster, and says, “good girls ask to come, Frank.”_

_Frank’s body is hot and sweaty and he feels like he’s going to explode, he moans louder at the other man. He goes faster inside Frank, curling his fingers even higher to get his spot even more. Frank still doesn’t move, his body frozen as he obeys the other man’s orders and doesn’t move._

_“Can I come, please?” Frank moans out to the other man, who is moving really fast inside Frank._

_“Are you pretty little girl, Frank?” the guy taunts Frank, his face flush red with humiliation._

_“Y-yes. I’m a pretty little girl, can I please come?” Frank says between his moans from the other man’s fast movements. He doesn’t know how much longer he can hold on._

_“Come.”_

_And with that Frank comes, he comes harder than he has ever came in his entire life, his whole body rushes a wave of pleasure and he feels his body shake and the hot liquid all over him. He doesn’t care that he just came all over himself though. That was the best orgasm of his entire life and he doesn’t regret anything. He never thought he could’ve gotten so turned on by being bound like that._

_“Fuck, Gerard…”_

Frank wakes up in a jolt and heavy breathing and an extremely hard dick. He groans turns his body over, looking at the clock and it reads 6:57AM. He has just enough time to get ready and go to school. He never heard his alarm clock go off.

 

 

Frank knew he was changing. He knew he wasn’t himself but he couldn’t do anything to stop himself from his mood swings and pissed off attitude. He’s always pissed off because Gerard is on his mind and he can’t stop it. He can’t stop thinking about the other boy. He wants things to go back to normal. He wants to go back to when he didn’t know Gerard and he was a happy teenager who was about to start college. He wants to go back to the times where he hung out with his friends all the time and he never had a worry in the world. He was never angry or moody before Gerard. Now he’s an emotional wreck and he can’t stop it. He can’t talk to his friends about it because they will not understand and he doesn’t expect them to, either.

He still hasn’t talked to his friends since he almost beat the shit out of Mikey. He fucking hates him, he treats Gerard like he’s some piece of shit, he ignores his older brother. He doesn’t see that his brother needs help. He doesn’t realize that the way him and his family ignores him makes him even worse than he is. He doesn’t understand how his family got so mean and cruel towards Gerard. How they think this is the correct way to treat their own kid. How do you raise a child to believe they’re worthless? That they don’t belong because they don’t agree with their chosen path? How can you look at yourself in the mirror and think to yourself that you’re a good person for what you’ve done to someone who you claim you love? How does someone do that? He doesn’t understand. Frank doesn’t think he ever will either.

 

* * *

 

 

Weeks have gone by and Frank feels more alone as the days go on. He is about to lose his fucking mind. He doesn’t see anybody, not one friend. He doesn’t talk to his parents. He just spends his days and nights obsessing over Gerard Way. He dreams about him, sexually and not sexually. He dreams that he saves Gerard again and they hang out like they used to, he dreams that they go on a date and fall in love. He dreams about having kinky sex with him. He thinks about him all day during school, he thinks about him when he’s trying to do his homework and when he’s at the dinner table trying his best to be normal for his parents sake. He has no way to stop these thoughts and dreams, his fantasies. It’s all he thinks about.

Today is the day that he tells Gerard all the shit that’s going on in his head. He doesn’t know where else to turn to but to the man who is causing him to react in such a way he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t want to spend the rest of his last year in high school a total mess and depressed as fuck because of the weird and introverted artist boy who’s always alone. It’s not fair, Frank thinks. It’s not fair that because Gerard is alone that Frank has to be alone too. It’s not fair that he has to feel like Gerard all because he rejected him.

What feels like a life time, Frank is finally at Gerard’s job, ready to find the boy and talk to him.

But Frank has no idea what he’s going to say to him. He doesn’t know how he’s going to start up the talk with him, he doesn’t know if Gerard even wants to talk to him. Frank quickly regrets this but he pushes himself to walk through the doors of the store and set his eyes to find the black haired boy. He figured he’ll go with his heart and just let his heart do the talking. Your heart is supposed to never be wrong, and you’re always supposed to go along with it, so this can’t fail that badly, right? Nothing can go wrong when you follow your heart, right? Maybe Gerard will want to be friends and they can try to rebuild their friendship, they can forget what happened on the top of the hill, Frank is pretty much over that anyways. He just wants to feel normal again. He wants Gerard to come back into his life, he doesn’t know if Gerard is going to want to, but he can at least try, right? He can go with his fucking heart. The heart never lies, right?

Right?

 


	8. Revenge.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit just got real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this! I really hated my last update, so i hope this makes up for the shitty chapter before this. :3

“You’re such a twisted fuck! You come into my life like a goddamn hurricane. First you linger your way in, and then you fucking _molest_ me because I rejected you! You disappear; I almost beat the shit out of your brother, for you! Then I get these dreams about you, and they won’t go away! Why the fuck did you do this to me? Do you fucking cast spells on people? It’s like when you don’t get your way you fuck with their heads until they’re putty in your hands!?” Frank was livid. He was so fucking mad, and Gerard is just looking at him. No emotion reads his face; he’s just looking at Frank. It makes Frank even more mad and makes his blood boil, Gerard knows how to exactly get under his skin and it makes Frank lose his temper. He has a hot temper in general, but Gerard seems to send him into overdrive.

Frank isn’t done yet with Gerard and continues on with his rant, “I knew you were fucked up in the head, but I didn’t think you were _this_ fucked up, Gerard. I didn’t think you would fuck around with my head and my…feelings.”

Frank is breathing heavy and his face is red as he looks at Gerard. Ever since Gerard came into Frank’s life he’s been a total mess and he’s also been beyond confused. He’s never felt like this ever in his life. Frank had a normal life before Gerard. He would go to school, hang out with his friends and prepare himself for college. He has an amazing and loving family, who supports him and loves him. He feels like he has the entire world and yet he still feels like something is missing now that Gerard’s gone. He should be happy now that Gerard is gone from his life. He’s back to his nice and normal life. He’s back to the life before Gerard. Yet he doesn’t want that old life. He doesn’t care if that life was easier, because that life was fueled by his head, not his heart. His heart is with Gerard. As weird as that sounds, Gerard has stolen Frank’s heart. He needs Gerard back in his life.

Gerard just shakes his head, “I didn’t mess with your head, Frank.”

“No!? You-”

Gerard cuts him off, ready to have Frank hear what he has to say. “You would never know how sorry I am for hurting you. You will never know the pain I feel inside myself for doing that to someone that means so much to me. I’m terrible at showing love, because no one has ever shown me love, I only got neglect. You’ll never know how sorry I am, the only thing I can tell you is that I’m sorry, Frank. But your dreams and your feelings you’re having? I didn’t do that. You did that on your own. I had nothing to do with that. That’s all on you, that’s something you need to figure out for yourself.” Gerard says back to Frank, never once leaving his eyes. He was speaking straight from his heart and Frank feels his heart flutter as his heartfelt apology.

 Frank was speechless; he had nothing to say at that. He could see the pain and sorrow in Gerard’s eyes, he knew he was truly sorry for what he did to him. Did he actually like Gerard the way Gerard liked him? Was he masking his feelings all this time? He was so fucking confused. He’s always been confused about his sexuality, but that was because he found some guys attractive. He never thought he would develop feelings for another man before. He thinks back to all the times him and Gerard hung out, his heart always fluttered when Gerard flashed a small smile, or tell a corny joke that he wouldn’t understand because Gerard’s so fucking smart. He’s smart and funny, he has a good heart. He’s a little fucked up, but he’s truly a good person. He’s also a strong person, anyone who has to deal with the shit his family puts him through is an extremely strong and amazing person in Frank’s eyes. He respects Gerard for keeping it together for so long.

He thinks back to the day he almost beat the shit out of Mikey because he was saying horrible things about Gerard. He’s heard Ray and James talk badly about a bunch of his friends and he’s never once got so mad to the point where he would want to cause harm on them. He would just ignore it and roll his eyes. The only time that’s ever happened was a few years ago when someone called Jamia a fat bitch. That was when he had a crush on her.

That was when he had feelings for her.

 

* * *

 

Driving to school the next day felt like it took forever. He spent the entire night thinking about Gerard and thinking about what he feels for him. He shouldn’t like him, he shouldn’t like him for what he did to Frank. He’s drawn to him though, there’s something about the guy that he’s so drawn to. It’s like he can never get too much of Gerard. He can drink Gerard up all day and be totally okay with it. He loves being around him and truthfully, he feels empty without him. It’s almost like there’s a giant hole in his heart. He wants Gerard. He doesn’t care how he has him, he just needs him.  Even if they don’t date, he doesn’t give a fuck. He just wants Gerard in any way possible. He would love to be with Gerard in a romantic way, but he doesn’t want to push anything. He just wants to build his friendship he has with him again.

Frank was so fucking tired, he almost debated on driving back home and going to bed. He doesn’t though, he sticks it out. He doesn’t leave school and he drives into the parking lot. What the fuck? There’s traffic into the parking lot at school. The school is big, sure, but there are 3 entrances to get into the building. It makes no sense that there’s fucking _traffic_ at school. It’s freaking morning! Frank groans, turning up his Circle Jerk’s CD, this morning is already pissing him off. He just wants to get to school, maybe see Gerard and tell him how he truly feels. He wants to get that over with, his stomach is jumping around. He’s anxious for Gerard’s reaction and he really hopes it’s a good reaction.

Once he pulls into the school (finally) he notices what was causing the traffic, there’s at least 5 cop cars at the front of the building. Frank was so confused, nothing like this ever happens at the school, ever.

Once he gets out of his car and walks over to the building he sees Ray and Jamia watching the scene, he jogs over to them.

“What the fuck happened?” Frank asked looking at the cop cars.

“Someone got caught with drugs in school, _cocaine_ out of all drugs, too. Isn’t that insane?” Ray replies back to Frank. Ray is totally shocked that something like this would happen here, and Frank is shocked too.

Frank doesn’t say anything, just watches the scene in front of him. The entire school is waiting for the drug addict to come out of the school in handcuffs, arrested and all. Frank isn’t a stranger to drugs. He’s just not into them. He’ll smoke weed, drink, but that’s really it. He never got appeal of doing hard drugs. You must be seriously fucked up to want to do that shit. We all know what it does to you. We all know that shit can kill you. Frank likes to live too much to get mixed up with any of that shit. He’s also really thankful that his friends were never the type to want to do hard drugs. He’s thankful for his friends and his family’s up bringing that steered him away from drugs.

What Frank sees next stops his heart and makes him want to throw up his coffee all over the place. He sees the Way brothers walk out, Gerard with his hands behind his back and Mikey walking next to the police officers. It’s like he’s watching in slow motion as he sees Gerard’s body go inside the car. Frank doesn’t move his eyes from Gerard. Soon Gerard looks up and makes eye contact with Frank. All Frank can do is watch the scene before him. His feels his heart break as Gerard puts his head against the window. If he looks hard enough he can see the fear inside Gerard’s eyes.

Gerard has been on drugs? How did he never notice this? He’s never once shown any sign of being on drugs and it’s not like Frank’s an idiot. He knows the signs to look for, and Gerard had not one sign. When he was with him at least, he doesn’t know what Gerard did when he was alone. Frank had so many questions and he wants answers to them, he wants to know how long this has been going on. What made him start doing drugs? Was it recent? Was it because of the fighting between him and Gerard? Frank feels guilt hit his chest. He wants Gerard to be clean, for him and for himself. He cares too much about Gerard to watch him kill himself.

“Frank, are you okay?” Frank heard Jamia say. He blocked the entire student body out and his entire focus was on Gerard getting arrested.

“I just- I was about to tell him something important.” Frank said back with a broken voice.

“You like him, don’t you?” Jamia asks, turning his face so he’s looking in her eyes. There’s no turning back now, Jamia can read Frank like a damn book. She knows what he’s feeling before he even does and he knows that Jamia knew all along. She always knew.

Frank doesn’t say a word back to her. He just nods his head and looks over once again and he sees the cop car is about to drive off with Gerard in the car, ready to be processed and arrested. He pulls Jamia in to a warm hug. He needs to feel her embrace at this moment. He needs someone to tell him that everything is going to be okay. Jamia is the perfect friend, she really is. She never once judged Frank ever. She’s the only person who knows that Frank has been confused about his sexuality. She didn’t judge him when she figured out that Frank likes Gerard. She didn’t call him a freak or a faggot for liking another man. She didn’t laugh that because the man he has feelings for is Gerard Way and he’s getting arrested because he’s a closest drug addict. She just hugged Frank and let Frank tremble into her arms.

“Michael, I want to thank you for addressing this to us. We hope Gerard gets the help he needs.” Frank overheard the other cop say to Mikey, they were only a few feet away. Mikey sold his own brother out. He snitched on his fucking brother and got him arrested. Is that what that family does to another family member? Did they hate Gerard so much to the point where he would get him arrested so he will go away from the “oh so perfect” Way family?

Frank feels his knees weaken and he falls on the ground to his knees. His tears and sobs don’t stop as Jamia rubs his back softly as his heart breaks.

Frank only has one thing on his mind he cries harder and harder, and that’s revenge. He is seeking revenge against a certain person who he never once liked in the first place. Frank is out for blood, he’s going to make Mikey fucking pay for doing this to Frank. He’s going to make him regret ever fucking with the person Frank cares about. He doesn’t give a shit if the person is Gerard’s brother. Brothers don’t snitch out the other person. They’re supposed to have each other’s back, but Mikey is a selfish piece of shit that wants to be the golden child and actually sends him away so he can pretend to not even have a brother. Mikey isn’t a brother, he’s just a selfish asshole. Gerard doesn’t deserve this at all. Frank is going to defend Gerard and make Mikey fucking pay.

He feels revenge pulse through his veins. 


	9. authors note

Hey guys, I'm so happy so many people have been reading my story. it means a lot to me. sadly I gotta go on hiatus... to make a long story short I was pregnant and I lost my baby. too much is going on right now between massive medical bills and trying my best to recover mentally and physically. I hope you all understand <3 

I PROMISE I will be coming back to finish this story. 

with much love from my black heart,  
-Eileen xo (hey I just realized I never mentioned my name ever! hi I'm Eileen <3)


	10. Seeing Red.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't own anything in this fictional story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm (semi) back. Thank you everyone for your love and support. I'm feeling a little better but it's a daily struggle. i haven't wrote in so long and this is kinda like the test, there's not many more chapters left. i hope everyone is enjoying this<3! comment if you'd like :) i hope you like it xo

 It’s been 3 weeks since he’s seen Gerard get arrested. He doesn’t know if he’s okay, he doesn’t know if he’s holding up alright, he doesn’t know if he’s in rehab. He has so many questions and he can’t get any answers because the only people Gerard even speaks to (when he actually does speak) is his family, and his family fucking hates him. He doesn’t want to go to them to get any information that he needs about Gerard from them, they’re fucking scum. The kids at school just ignore him and go by their day. No one really notices, or even gives a shit that Frank is so upset about Gerard’s arrest. The only person that even gives a damn is Jamia. She cares, she doesn’t want to see Frank heartbroken. She’s the only person that asks Frank is he’s holding up. Jamia tells him almost daily that if he needs anything that she will be there for him, and he believes her. She the only friend who noticed his depression, his friends are too busy with themselves to even give a damn about what’s going on in Frank’s head. It seems like Frank needs to rethink his friends, because his current friends fucking suck.

Most of the time Frank is angry at Mikey, the terrible younger brother of Gerard who got him arrested in the first place. If he knew his brother had a drug problem, why go to the cops like a little snitch? Why wouldn’t he try to get him help? This is so strange for Frank. His family were always there for him, even if Frankie fucked up they were always there no matter what. They would go to the end of the world for him and Frank would do the same for him. Frank doesn’t want to let Gerard down, he needs to show Gerard that he’s nothing like his fucked up family, that he’s nothing like all these other assholes in the terrible high school that’s already made up tons and tons of rumors.

_“Did you hear that Gerard killed himself?”_

_“I heard that he’s going to be in jail for years!”_

_“Gerard Way? Who’s that?”_

Frank hears them, he hears all the rumors. He hears all the laughs, all the snickers. Mikey is known to be a hero, everyone is fucking thanking the little snake for ratting out his brother, students say Mikey has done a public service for getting a “fucking loser” like Gerard Way out of the school and (they hope) for good. All Frank wants is Gerard back, he wants him back with him. He needs to tell Gerard how he feels. Frank has never felt his strongly about anyone before in his entire life. He will not stop until Gerard is in his arms and he will fucking do anything to make that happen.

 

* * *

 

 

 

It’s been another 2 fucking weeks. It’s been too long, Frank is about to fucking explode. It’s not going away, the thoughts, all the wondering is taking too much for Frank. Frank is going to do the only thing he can think of. He needs to talk to someone who knows when Gerard’s coming home, or if he’s coming home. His parents have to know something going on for him, they can’t hate him that bad, can they? Frank knows that Gerard has a bad relationship with his parents, but they can’t watch their son rot in jail, they have to seek help for him! Only a true heartless piece of shit wouldn’t help their first son who clearly has a drug problem. They can’t be that bad. Frank’s heard some terrible stories about the Way’s. He doesn’t think that Gerard was bullshitting him or anything, but his parents have to love him. Gerard is their first son, they can’t leave him alone in this. They have to help him…

That’s what leads Frank at the steps of the Way household. He couldn’t stand it. He needs answers and he fucking needs them now. It’s Saturday morning, not too early, but not late enough to be considered the afternoon. He reckons it’s almost 11:30AM. Frank wanted to come here earlier, but he was preparing himself for what he’s going to witness. Frank has never met his parents, the only reason why he’s even met Mikey was only because he’s his brother and he goes to school here. Gerard is much closed off when it comes to his family and his home life. He doesn’t like to talk about them unless he has to talk about them. From what Gerard has told Frank, Donna is way worse on Gerard than his dad. That confuses Frank, wasn’t your mother supposed to have this undying love for their child? Or is that just women who have a fucking heart for their own child? Donna bans Gerard from going to any family event, in her own words, he’s “ban from the family”. He doesn’t even know if his family knows who the fuck he is, he doesn’t know who they are. It’s not like they speak to Gerard to even tell him about his uncles and aunts, his cousins. All Gerard knows is the 4 walls and his own self loath he carries with him like it’s his shadow, the self loath that wouldn’t even be there if his mother showed him some sort of fucking love. Gerard’s own family is the reason behind all his issues. Frank blames Gerard’s family for Gerard being the way he is.

Frank tries to even his breath and he knocks on the dark brown door 3 times and takes a few steps back, waiting for anyone to answer it.

After a few seconds, a woman with blonde hair opens the door, she assumes this is _the_ Donna Way. The women who hates her own son. She has blonde hair and light eyes, she’s a little pale. Her face looks cold, you can tell she’s a very cold hearted person just by her sight. She looks mean. She’s a little short, she looks about 5’4” but you can tell that she’s not a woman that you want to mess with. You can tell when she was younger she was that girl who would challenge the boys, she would play boy sports just to prove to them that she can do it, she lives for the fear in another person’s eyes just by being around her.

She’s going to be upset when she realizes that she cannot scare Frank.

“Where’s Gerard?” Frank bluntly asked the woman. He doesn’t let ask who he is, he’s not giving her the time of the day, and she doesn’t deserve it.

The woman rolled her eyes, “how am I supposed to know?”

Angry, Frank stepped closer to the woman to show that he’s not fucking around and told her, “because he’s your fucking kid?! I’m his friend, Frank, and I want to see him.”

Donna looks at Frank like he’s an alien, she’s shocked to hear that Gerard has a friend, that’s exactly what it is. It fucking shocks her that he has a friend, it’s almost like he’s not allowed to have any or something. Frank doesn’t know which yet, but he will find out sooner or later; Frankie doesn’t leave questions unanswered.

“Listen kid, I haven’t heard from him, he tried calling when he first got arrested but that’s it. That stupid junkie can rot in jail for all I care.” Donna said back to the younger boy and tried to close the door, but Frank ran over to the older woman, moving his foot to the door so she can’t close the door on him.

“You fucking disgusting fucking _cunt,_ that’s your own kid you’re talking about!” Frank yelled in the woman’s face, his face red with anger, “you’re a fucking piece of trash, now I see where Mikey gets it from. He learned it from the biggest trash bag there is! You’re not a fucking mother, you’re just a stupid cunt who has gave birth to 2 children. If you ever stopped to see what kind of person Gerard is you would see that he’s fucking amazing. You don’t deserve to know him though, you selfish, disgusting bitch.” Frank screamed at the woman. Donna has a blank expression on her face. She doesn’t give a shit what was just said, she doesn’t let it affect her in anyway and that makes Frank’s blood fucking boil.

He had nothing else to say to the older woman.  Frank got in his car and went to his house, he was seeing fucking red. He knew exactly what was he was going to be doing next, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He needs to seek his revenge, he needs revenge on all the terrible people he knows. Before Gerard, he thought the world wasn’t so ugly, he knew bad things happened to good people, but he’s never experienced it with someone who he’s very close with. He’s never dealt with it first hand and now that he has he can understand why people get so angry that they want to kill someone. He can see why people get shot when they’ve done something wrong. Frank can see clear, he sees so fucking clear now.

Frank enters his home and goes upstairs to his bedroom, he knows he has a few hours to kill, his mother was at work and his dad was with a friend of his from high school. Frank has the whole day to figure out his master plan. He has the entire day to plan his revenge, he has the entire day to complete his revenge, mostly revenge for Gerard. He’s doing this all for fucking Gerard. He would do anything for Gerard and he has to do this for him, no one else is going to help the boy so he’s going to help him. He’s going to be the savior that he needs. He’s going to be someone that Gerard can depend on. Gerard is no longer alone, Frank will do anything to show that to Gerard.

Frank walks into his parent’s bedroom and goes over to his father’s closet and pulls out exactly what he needs.

His father’s gun.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
